to:dad,

This evening, after I'd sent her to her room until she could stop the absolute torrent of a tantrum she was having, my daughter slid a note written on a 3x5 index card out from under her door.

On one side it said, "to:dad." On the other, it read:

to:dad,

if you don't
want me to run
away. then you
will have to
give me a small spoon
full of beans.


Now, you have to understand what she meant by this. I wasn't depriving her of beans, I had given her too many and she wanted only "a small spoonful."

Notes like these have become a new trend for Elise. So, I decided to engage her in this new medium. I wrote her the following note back:

To Elise (whom I love very much),

Temper tantrums and emotional outbursts are not the best way to get what you want in this world. Whether it’s not wanting so many refried beans, or whether or not you get an apple bar for breakfast, staying calm and being willing to discuss things will get you a lot farther in life than screaming, yelling, and tantrums.

I hope you will decide to calm down and that you will be able to discuss this morning and this evening’s events with me without becoming so angry. But, if you decide not to calm down and if you decide to run away, please remember that if you are having the same problems with your new family, it may be because you still need to learn how to calm down.

Love,

Russ, Your Dad


I printed this, signed it, and gave it to her when she finally came out of her room. (Mostly because I had just finished it then.)

She read it with hesitation and surprise that I'd writter her a note back. Then she looked at me with this jaded look in her eyes and just dropped it on the floor. It was like she was saying, 'that is so lame dad. I'm the one who writes the notes and you people are the ones who read them.'

She's only 8. What am I gonna do when she's 16?